Responsible for a Twitter Budget? 12 Top Notch Ways to Spend Your Money

Marketing your product or service on Twitter is different from every other kind of marketing you’ve ever done. Your solution is to spend money to make sure it gets done right. Fair enough. Let’s figure out some ways to make sure your money doesn’t get wasted.

1. Hire Someone Funny

Nobody is going to respond to your Twitter feed if you are neither funny nor charming. This usually isn’t cheap. Pay for it anyway. Everything else depends on this.

2. Hire Someone Literate

If your Twitter has misspelled six-letter words, you are doing it wrong. Hire a writer. A funny writer. One who can make subtle jokes about medieval Germany with properly spelled 12-letter words like perspicacity. Find someone who can make your spell-checker light up TILT. Then you are gold.

3. No Paid Ads

Paid advertising on the Internet is like carrying bug spray around with you. It doesn’t matter if you are posting the keys to the universe every 30 seconds. If you blast them with fragrant sticky poison every ninth word, it doesn’t help.

4. Web Expert

You can’t use Twitter if you can’t use the web. If your CTO (Chief Twitter Officer) doesn’t know how to shorten a URL, keep looking.

5. Graphics Conversant

Ask your CTO if they know why adding 15% saturation to a digital image helps on the web. If you get a blank look, keep looking.

6. Video Conversant

Your Twitter feed needs video in much the same way seagulls need In n’ Out Burger. If your Twitter person doesn’t insist on attaching a video to every third tweet, make them attach one to every tweet until they become fanatics.

7. No Buzzwords

One mention of the word “paradigm” and you hit the trap door button.

8. No SEO Obsessions

Search Engine Optimization has turned the Internet into stupid-land. Everyone is writing articles for an audience of one: the Google crawler. Most of the time these articles read like someone got a ‘D’ on their ESL mid-term. You need someone who can write for people and keep them engaged. Otherwise all the money you are spending is being wasted.

9. Hire an Outside Firm for Goal Setting

Believe it or not there are companies that make Twitter their day jobs. These people are frighteningly good at figuring out realistic strategies for new marketing programs. You pay them to tell you if you’re winning. Listen to them.

10. Hire an Outside Firm to Calm Your Big Boss Down

Nothing destroys money faster than a panicked boss. If your boss is the kind of guy who, five minutes into a six-year project, starts shaking, closes his eyes, turns purple and suddenly vaults across the room, fires everyone and unplugs everything, you need smart people to keep him/her from doing that. You would be surprised how often this happens.

11. Research

Spend some time and money to do some learning on your own. Find the other Twitter accounts that have done what you propose to do and make notes. After a good writer, this is the best money you will spend.

12. Metrics

You need some kind of a system to tell you what kind of engagement you are getting. This is another area where an outside firm can help because they probably have experience with all of the options and can save you a lot of time. Time is money. You know the rest.

Twitter is not quite as scary as Facebook. It is possible to be successful there without spending a fortune. These twelve suggestions are a good start.

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